Because people are crazy, random intuitive beings who will follow the slight inclination of natural instinct. It's genetics and it's an evolutionary process which has never left us. It's the tiny part of our animalistic character which will stick with us as we need it to protect ourselves, the human race and our need to survive.
But why does it affect us in such an empathetic sense to ditur us from certain feelings? Or why does it block us from staying with the sensible safe option and encourage us to move past our boundaries? This could be financially, career wise or emotionally...
I ask this question because humanity has its flaws and it's undeniable of how we seem to not be able to attain stability within certain areas of our lives and in reflection to my first statement, we are extremely surprising.
People change and circumstances change. We learn new characteristics about the ones we thought were once close to us and it surprises us, we'll it definitely surprises me.
The way how one person can seem so perfect in one aspect, yet unwilling to change in another. It's scary and it's made me choose a different action and surprise even myself in a negative way because well, I didn't want it to happen. It just did.
What I'm trying to say is that I fell out of love. And I grieve for what once was, it seems unfathomable to pick up the pieces and start again because my life is different and his life is different but I still love him and respect him. But my heart yearns for more than just a distant memory. It yearns for something new.
I have new passions, new interests and I've gained a new love and as vain as it sounds for myself. I've learnt that I need to respect myself in order to attain stability, and I cannot do this by putting all my focus on someone else. I need to carry on with my education and if I do find someone else not become so enveloped with their life that I forget about my own. And it's not his fault.
It's completely mine. I was selfish the whole way through as I needed something which I never realised could come from myself, so I became head over heels involved in him as it was a distraction from my own problems which landed me in a dark hole of despair.
So yes people will surprise you, but you will surprise yourself more. And this is my one and only confession. I am going to be my own person. And that scares me but I need to make individual options which will benefit myself and my future.
Sometimes you need to hurt yourself on the short term to realise what is best for you on the future. As it will get better.
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