I thought that he was a sarcastic arrogant and egotistical male who walked with a little too much confidence because hell. He knew he was good looking. The typical dark tall and handsome kind. The kind of man who seems to know the world and will shove all of the knowledge which he has attained into your long term memory...But I was wrong.
Have you ever met someone and realised that your perception of them is a complete and utter lie? As if all former knowledge about a person which you accrewed based on one negative experience is so inaccurate? Well I have and I am truly sorry and regret that prior judgement.
Because sometimes you meet people and like I said in my previous blog they surprise you. And I do believe that you must see someone on more than one occasion to truly know who they are and to perceive an unbiased image of them because people are soo weird. Human kind is truly complex, fascinating but completely and utterly bonkers.
We as a race survive through adaptation and I am a full supporter of Darwins evolutionary theory. The human race has evolved into a new species from a previous state to maintain, survive and overcome any obstacle set before us. I mean look at yourself right now and look into your palm at the tiny contraption of intricately composed metal. The whole concept of you having almost a universe full of potential, power and knowledge at your fingertips is ridiculous but you do...
We have created objects such as this smartphone to aid us with our progression it involves us with one another, makes us sustain relationships we never thought we could and envelopes our minds.
But although as a species we have evolved in so many amazing ways (and I mean fucking amazing ways Intellectually) we still have our basic ways such as eating drinking etc to survive and our social status.
And this horrendously off topic ramble brings me back to the idea of human behaviour and our abilities to survive. I truly believe that as a race we adapt socially to fit our environment. And that is what he did. That guy who I originally hated, he did that.
Around other males he's a lads lad. Full of banter, wanting to pull and just came across as general dick and it's natural. As a social species we like to be around others as it grounds us and educates us in what's proper social conduct...
But with him he's confusing and different and that's what makes him, well him.
I met him properly sat down had a conversation one on one and I truly appreciated what I saw before me. A male who was educated, had interests, opinions and knows how to dress.
He let me into a tiny part of his brain and as he was telling me about how he loves to cook Italian, I saw a kind heart as cheesy as it sounds and I could hear a soft voice which was untainted by the loud noise of interruptions from another drunkard. I saw who he was and connected to something which was there so deeply hidden and protected by this lad ego and I saw someone who genuinely made my stomach feel like there were butterflies just casually there.
But a day later I sat down with him in a room full of testosterone and noticed how much of him had slipped away. His kindness had flaked away into a bitter seeming scowl and his enthusiasm turned into boredom and it was upsetting.
It was as if a light had been switched off and he was empty. A shell of a person compared to the fantastic attraction of honesty and compassion which he portrayed the day before. Like a completely different person. Like Jekyll and Hyde.
I wanted to know that intriguing person who let me into his world not this one who has let the spark burn out.
But maybe this was his coping mechanism from the harsh reality of life, I'm not sure. But it saddened me thinking how little of himself he truly knew and the potential which he held before him.
He is truly unique and I don't think he should ever not know that. His tendencies to flitter between emotions anger me but his ability to care and learn astound me.
He truly is remarkable. And I appreciated the man which I once knew from that one chance meeting because I accidentally started to fall for him. This person I barely knew. I wanted to know him and it's a fucking crazy statement to make but honest. I wanted to know the man behind the current reflection. Because he was and is a better person than what he hides behind.
But now to conclude its confession time no infact it's me asking for a favour from you and you know who you are.
1. Please understand that as a person you are so much more than what you give yourself credit for. You are an amazing person with more to you than the incessantly boring aim to get drunk 24/7. You are an intellectual with a fab personality and you should realise that I like you more when your who you are, rather than being someone your not. Even if this means showing your so called flaws. I like all your flaws because they make you well you.
2. Sticking to the constraints of social situations is beneath you and you know it. Don't follow the crowd
3. Please take me camping under the stars so we can just get to know each other.
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