Days of Debauchery...

I have read avorously for the majority of my life a wide variety of novels, poetry and articles which have described many things within human experiences which are untouchable to the general public and have experienced many things which have also attained this same status. 

This status which I am referring to is the idea of breaking the mould of comfortability and stepping into the unknown. And I recently have encountered a novel which truly made me feel an eclectic amount of emotions and this my friends is a novel named Days of Debauchery by George Neary.

This is a novel which is truly unique and exempt from your typical read because it has no need to draw you in with contentious statements or profound illusions, but in fact brings you down to a completely new level of articulation through its complete and utter honesty. 

If you are looking for a read which will warm the cockles of your heart then look elsewhere because this book feels as if you are being directly spoken too as in individual. Almost as if you are in the mind of a mad man who is reflecting on an action from every angle. 

The way the novel was constructed is quite clearly an example of this as it was not just a recollection of events but a piece of art, the way the chapters were placed, the language, it was all specifically chosen to demonstrate the writers personality which is damaged. But It is from this where the beauty lies and it almost reminded me of a cracked mirror that once broken cannot be fixed, but gains its beauty from its lack of normality and entirety. The fact that yes the glass IS splintered, but it will never be what it once was... My whole life I have seen beauty in faults and this novel personifies it.

I will not disclose any particular parts of the book as I feel that to do so would not give justice to it but what I can tell you is the emotions which I felt from reading it and the main feeling I got was a sense of relief. 

This book is a confession of sins and its brutality reflects its truth. It's simple statements, blunt sentences and vulgar language makes it hard hitting and almost gives you pangs of reality. 

I read this book and felt a strange connection to the similarities which I have faced in my life as has the author and it made me uncomfortable. It's ability to connect to something within me made me feel dirty and unclean and reminisce from times where I have been so low and have done inconceivable things to attain what I want. But I did so in regards to other matters not so much debauchery. 

What it also made me feel was a deeper understanding of the author, because I know him ever so slightly and have grown to love him as a cheery, optimistic man. And whenever I was around him I felt nothing but positivity, health and vibrancy but in reality he was and still is battling with so many different factors within his life, and has done so many things which I believed such an outwardly fantastic person could not. 

And to be honest I am deeply sorry for judging him to be the carefree soul he appears because, he's been through hell and has been broken. It's just so bizarre to me to have this insight to his life and it takes a strong person to tell another about his hardship let alone an audience of unknowing spectators. 

What I'm trying to say is. This book is real. And will connect to you in some way. Give it a read, you need to engorge yourself in the dirt sometimes because the things which strike a chord are the most intriguing. 

"Exercise"-ing my right to Happiness

It's the fourth of August and I'm dripping head to toe from the rain. I can smell a combination of wet hair and sweat. I can feel the rubbery surface of the AstroTurf through my wet ankle socks and I'm about to put my beautiful spikes on.  And you know what? I'm feeling powerful as fuck. 

My names Bethan and I have a confession to make. I have a serious addiction to sprinting. Yes you heard right. Sprinting. 

For the whole twenty years of my life I have continuously battled with this sport of being either forced to go or wanting too but I've been to lazy so I've finally got hooked again and I knew it had happened from as soon as I stepped onto the track... I had a warm sensation which wasn't my thighs burning from the pain or thought of exercise, but that feeling that you get when you know you've done something good for yourself and I get it everytime. 

During my teenage years I was an avid sports player and at school I was involved in most of the teams. I was a netball player, playing centre or wing attack, I played hockey usually as a centre forward, I was a bowler on the cricket team, (funny that Ey? Haha), I did athletics of all kinds, cross country etc the list goes on but I loved sport and it always has been a passion of mine. Being part of a team made me feel so happy and loved and well my competitive side which needed to be fed was also satisfied... But my one true love was running for my hometown and county. 

And it has truly been my one true love, there's been times where it's the only reason why I get out of bed in the morning and also times where I've hit a rocky path with it such as training and not getting the goals which I aimed for. But I have truly worked hard at this sport in general and since moving home my love has rekindled for it, but in a different nature. 

I (now) am addicted to it as it genuinely makes me feel so happy. I've never been so proud of myself and to be honest it makes me a better person. It has given me goals to achieve, such as faster times, higher fitness levels and such high ambitions throughout the whole of my life, ensuring to me that I should continue with my education! 

Not only has it done all that, it has also given me the confidence to make changes with parts of my life which I didn't even know needed to be fixed until I realised how unhealthy they are. 

I am a happier and healthier person for running and I'm so proud of myself. 

I don't give myself enough credit but I can now juggle a social life, work, healthy eating and seeing my boyfriend and to me that's a big achievement considering how low I have been feeling. 

But all of that aside I do have a negative comment to write as if I didn't we all know that this wouldn't be true to my blog... 

But in the worlds of Rachel Ballinger.. DO YOU KNOW WHAT PISSES ME OFF? 

The fact that if I post anything at all to do with my progress, my exercising, my gym clothes, my food people seem to think it's annoying or have sly comments to make. Why is this necessary? We all are different and we all should be able to express our opinions but why so negatively! 

If I want to post a picture of my chicken salad which I have so exquisitely presented to make it more edible to me, I will because God damn it, it looks tasty and I'm proud that I've ate this, rather than beans on toast! 

I mean if a guy did exactly the same posts he'd be hot or inspirational but if a girl does it she's insane! But hey ho. My rant is over. 

So yeh that's it for today. And here's a recap, I'm happy, I'm exercising and have he most beautiful support network of friends and family. Also as a shoutout to sisterhood of silver! You have supported me yet you barely know me so thank you for all your wonderful comments and support without your lovely blog my life would be boring! 

So here's my final confessions. 

1. Do whatever makes you happy. What makes me happy is camomile and maple tea after a sprinting session, but that may be completely different to you. But even if it is it doesn't matter because to be absolutely normal would be an absolute tragedy. Which leads me to my second point...

2. Follow your own path, make it completely and truly individualistic and true to yourself. Whatever your goal is you can do it. Mine was to be happy and I will try to sustain it, because I know that I may have rough days. But this one small thing I do does make me feel so much better. 

3. Ignore people who will drag you down. You need to pull an arrow backwards so that it can propel towards its goal. Or in simple terms. People are bitches, and try to start trouble and cause crap for everyone. Just remember to do what's best for your own happiness and wellbeing. But don't hurt others in the process.