Lazy Arses, read this and contemplate. Aka me.

Inspiration is hard to find these days. Especially for people who have come from countries such as Britain. Whether you're on the bread line or higher up in the class formation, we always have options which other less financially stable countries have. 

We all have the ability and right to an education, in fact it is a legal contract for us up until the age of 18 and then we can decide what we can do with our lives. 

Even if in our youth we are less committed to our education, we always seem to be able to achieve a life which we want and can have whether it's through diligence or sponging off of the government.

We essentially are sorted.

We constantly have options handed to us on a silver platter which affect how we push forward in life. 

But how do we motivate ourselves? 

Personally I can't even stick to a diet for a week let alone think of much pressing issues such as my future. But it is this lack of motivation which our current youths of society have. Me being a victim to the options of possibilities. 

We all seem to have an understanding that to fail is ok, we stand back up and somehow have a safety net.. But why do we have this? 

Why do we deserve this? 

Personally I feel like I'm falling and seem to believe that I have this safety precaution which will inevitably catch me when the process ends but in reality I don't. 

I need motivation, I need structure in my life. I need certainty and the outline of what's happening to me to be at the forefront of my imagination otherwise I digress. 

So basically this is an ill written way to articulate how I'm struggling.

I don't know my future and it's not ok. 

I don't feel pressed to work enthusiastically with vigour and I'm unsure as to why? 

I don't understand why I'm feeling an eclecticism of emotions tearing me between being hardworking and a complete sloth and it's so infuriating.

Is this just human nature? Are we truly hungry or bored? I believe so.. The media portrays diligence through young slim humanoids who have the ability to conquer all including a healthy lifestyle through eating a leaf a day, reading a book and cycling in a montage of images collated to create 30 seconds of falsely advertised success. 

It takes more than that. 

It takes your gut instinct and your heart and soul to truly achieve an aim, not half arsed attempts. 

So why am I not practising what I preach? And also why is it so much easier to motivate and aid others than to do this myself? 

I think it's a difficult thing to challenge ourselves and with any adversity we cower away and retreat back to the comfort of our warm sheets. It's our natural instinct to shy away from what makes us worried, scared and nervous.

But it's time to make sacrifices. Grab life by the balls and move forward. You get nowhere in life by just thinking in black and white, it's the grey areas which make us diverse, educated and unique. 

So come on people. Let's be a nation of doers rather than donts. Let's wake up in the morning with hopes and positivity and not snooze our alarms. 

I know you can do it! It's just a lot of hard work...but it's possible! 

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game!  

Chances

There are moments in life where we have to make important decisions.Whether to stay and resume normality or to leave to learn and to grow individually through new experiences. And these choices vary due to circumstance. 

But how truly can we make such important decisions which can impact on our lives in so many ways? 

Obviously we could hedonistically calculate how the decision will benefit us and those around us. Then see what it will cost us individually.. But truly how do we have the ability to choose what is best for us? 

Some may say that fate allowed this to happen, that everything was leading up to this moment. 

Or that a higher being or a force bigger than us has directed us down, up, or along this path..

That it's a case of a new opportunity excitement and a way for us to step out of our comfort zone in the dark and we should bound towards the light..

Or that it's greed of wanting more than just the draining life of normality. 

Personally I believe that everything happens for some sort of reason and no matter what the event or reason may be it is eventually to help steer us towards our greater good!

Whether this may be a new career, friendship or life choice it has been done to show us what else is out there.

I believe that within our current society to many aspects of our lives are led by our heads and not our hearts. We've become a dreamless civilisation of approval and we spend too much time looking down at our phones and hoping that we will be gratified with a like, which is only liked mainly due to aimless appreciation. Not the thing itself and this has inevitably led to the socialised acceptance of not pursuing what we truly want, but accepting the easy way out due to comfort and public acceptance. 

So think outside the box, create a new life try something new because there's a reason why the opportunity has came along! 

As a society we should choose to be true to at least ourselves and not aim for a target of which we do not want.

In the terms of careers expand yourself. Learn to love what you do and excel at it. Be the best you, you could possibly be..

In regards to lifestyle choices live in accordance to your own beliefs and desires within reason. 

In friendships explore and learn to understand new people, even step outbid your comfort zone and discover a persons true personality not just their charisma.

Try new things and be true to yourself. Never let the idea of hurt stop you because either way you will fall and what do we do when we fall? Stand straight back up.

So people leap towards new opportunities discover new things and don't be scared! Change is inevitable..

We waste so much time by worrying about others that we forget our moral duty towards ourselves, what will benefit us greatly and what makes you happy. 

Remember that you deserve everything which you work hard for even if you don't believe it and that pain is inevitable in life. It's how we handle the pain which defines our character. 

Tea and Toast

Sometimes all you need is some tea and toast. It's a comfort food which forever holds a place in my heart.

It's what I've always used to cure anything from a cold to a broken heart and it is the essential comfort food. 

Its what I've been brought up with and what I'm sure many others have too. 

Being a British citizen I presume it's not even just a culture preference but genuinely a code within my DNA and with that I think quite a comforting thing.

I remember waking up before secondary school and having tea and toast either drowning in butter and jam, or swimming in Nutella and then as I grew older it being the go to food for if I was running late, or had a shit day.. How do you resolve it? By eating tea and toast. It's a personal favourite for me which has so many memories encompassing it. 

So many memories? From tea and toast? You may be thinking I'm a complete fool but it truly does. It reminds me of so many mornings sitting with my family watching the tv, my first and probably last sleepover at friends house and countless of other so simple times which I cherish so fondly, but most of all it reminds me of university. 

In first year during my term times we had meals provided but I always woke too late or too early to be able to eat at the canteen, so I had tea and toast. 

When I worked at Marks and Spencer's it was provided as an obligatory free gesture to the staff. (Well of course it was, tea and toast is a part of British culture and if any store embodies our proud nation it's them!) 

So many countless mornings where Id start at six and had to be there for half five and I'd sleepily awake stumbling to the kitchen just to have the feeling of warmth trickle through my body and enter the cockles of my heart!

And also the hungover mornings with the girls in halls where we would all communally gather have a cuppa and toast and talk about who shagged who or what happened.. Usually who cahoori pulled and what numbers she was on..

But yes that was definitely my mind wandering.. 

What I am trying to say (but seem to be failing to articulate) is that it truly is a creature comfort because it brings people together. Such a simple act unifies a nation and by offering tea and toast ,such a small thing, can create so many memories and emotions! 

So keep being kind people, keep sharing and please keep drinking tea! 

Money

To earn a living is deemed as loyal, respectful and completely normal

I, as I am sat on this train have become befuddled by the aspect of money and how much it truly overwhelms our lives. In front of me there is a tall male with a slim figure dressed in a tailored suit with elbow patches, brown shoes. Quite quirky really, but he is completely surrounded by top of the range electronics. A smart book with an excel page open, his mobile attached to his hand like it has been magnetically drawn to it replying to emails and a distant look which causally gazes from one screen to another..

Yet behind him is a young male presumably in his teens quietly dozing away. With no technology around him, nor labelled clothes. Just a cream knitted jumper, blue tatty jeans and he looked lovely! 

Innocence embodied but with an army backpack.. 

But imagine if there was no currency which dictated our society... 

Imagine if everyone could live equally and gain the items that they wanted? 

I'm not talking about communism, etc and nor am I encouraging that people should gain the same rewards as someone who works twice as hard as another it's just food for thought really!

Capitalism completely overthrows our lives and we are surrounded by commercialism... Branded clothing, makeup etc. We post pictures on social media of our favourite new objects and brag to others about them...

Money is literally surrounding us and we somehow can not escape it. Bizzarre really. We all crave more and more money. But when we finally have it we waste it on stupid items and get bored of the purchases..

It is true the saying that ... We're just hungry or bored!

 

You're Area 😉

Currently I am living in a completely organised space with designated sections for certain types of objects... Or what I like to call my fluffy hole. 

Haha laugh all you may but my room is a spectacle of all things pink and girly. Sugar spice and everything nice, all the ingredients to make a perfect girl (insert 90s childhood reference) and I truly believe it is the only feminine thing about me.

I love the typical girl things, yet I am quite a tom-boy who loves sports, drinking, wearing black and flirting so maybe my room is the only slight bit of release that wets my inner girls taste. 

They say that our habitats are a reflection of our minds, so our homes or bedrooms (in my case) are a projection of what we are thinking and doing within that period of time. So our personal cleanliness, tidiness, choices of colour, posters, objects and organisation can all be reflected within our living space. So if this is the truth a lot can be said about our personalities through their choices.

Let that just sink in for a second!  

Content with being content

Well everyone it's a new year and definitely it seems like a new me as cliche as it sounds. It's a bizarre statement but it truly is..

I seem to have turned myself around, completely turned over a new leaf and I'm happy that I have! 

Life is not dramatic, it's not like a scene from a movie and that's ok isn't it?

I wake up every morning surrounded by my family who love me, friends just a click away and excitement for the possible future! 

To be content and excited by different things, that's how life's supposed be! 

it's just slowly passing by like watching a leaf fall from a tree in Autumn. Passive and beautifully calming. 

Since 2015 ended I wanted to be a better version of myself and although I do slip off the bandwagon (as most girls do) I truly believe that I'm a better me. 

I exercise a little bit, could do abit more but it happens, I eat healthily when it's available to me provided by carte de fam a lam and I've found a beautiful love with Nietzsche and his work, not so much the content but his presentation of arguments and Ahhhh I'll get into this another time! But it's amazing! And I'm happy! Also I really enjoy reading in general. There seems to never be a cuppa or a book long enough to warm the cockle of my heart, but that's life! Nothing lasts forever, but it can make life seem so much fuller! 

But towards the regards of love, there's no one who seems to give me a special sparkle or my heart skip a beat better than my family friends and my little pup! It's all I need! 

So there you go future me! I hope you look back and realise that this boring period, was one of the best! Because, well it just was! 

2015: The Main Emotion

2015 was a big year. A terrifying one full of heartbreak, failures and a loss of direction for me personally. It was a year where I truly lost, learned and loved in many different ways. And honestly I look at the year and regret many decisions I made...

It has truly been a journey which I have had to deal with. I've been through in all honesty a complete battle with myself, my purpose and what truly matters and I'm not entirely sure what the resolution is. I understand that I as a person have something in my life and have to do something but I'm not quite sure what that is.. Or what I truly do want.

I've battled with myself a long time and it is tiring.

But it has also a turning point. I grew a backbone, started to understand that to be me, I have to be true to myself not be a push over, because to be truly honest, I started to look in the mirror and not recognize myself. I saw fear, anger, gluttony and ugliness.

I do have that gnawing feeling of darkness which creeps up, but I generally reverse it and look for the alternative. So during the end of the year I started to understand pain and use it to inspire hope, use it to push myself that slight bit further and it helped.

Loneliness however is a constant feeling which I have accrued since returning home. People are not always there like they promise and although its lovely to be surrounded by family, its quite clear to see that you have very few people in life who bother once you're not within a 3 mile radius.

"But baby thats life" and maybe that is a lesson which I have learned. That people who truly care will bother.

So here's my confessions:
1. Social media gives a false impression of people who love and support you. Although you have many people as contacts, most of them just want to see what you are up to but not be involved.
2. So be true to who you are. Find happiness within the things which move you and educate you, despite of what ridicule you may recieve
3. Love the ones who persist with you even through your dark periods. As they are the ones who will still love you despite the possible pain you are feeling or have caused. 
4. Forgiveness takes time and space. Once people have understood both sides of a story they will come forward and be there.