I've given blood, sweat and tears even my hairs falling out.
Ive given all of my time and effort, every inch of my soul and yet it wasn't good enough.
And to me that's ok.
Right now life just seems like a dark path, with no hope for joy.
I have moments of feeling fine, then other times of feeling completely and utterly broken.
Almost as if I am grieving what was to be.
I had a career path.
I had opportunity, I had planned and mapped out my entire life.
My life goals were to get a degree, get a home, fall in love.
Right now I'm hitting non of the above criteria.
And it was not due to lack of care, trying or commitment.
All I can do now is to take a deep breath and look at my other options.
Right now I need to look after myself.
I'm merging on psychotic behaviour being so grieved and hurt from what's been taken away from me.
I feel so sick all the time that I feel like I'm going to throw up all over.
It's as if I'm sinking right now.
But all I can say is I went with a fight.
All that is left now is a broken soul, a patchy scalp and a broken phone.
But from all this hurt and anger and loss I've realised that all though I have no materialistic things of my own; I no longer have the opportunity to pursue my desired career path and that I now am extremely depressed and suffering from self doubt is that...
I have the most amazing family and supportive friends in the world. Who I love so dearly and could never imagine living without you all. I love you all so much and couldn't imagine a world without you in it, so I apologise for being so difficult during my mental breakdown and for all of you, I will get through this one way or another..
So thankyou for everything. I miss and love you all so so much. I'm sorry for locking myself away it's just so much easier sometimes to hide.
But I know now not to bottle it up.
And also to New Beginnings ey? Let's all cheers to that!
Goodnight and God Bless
