Change. Confusion. Destruction.

The world slowly turns around us and with each inhale of oxygen it changes slightly. 

We constantly are surrounded by this concept of change, something which is never ending and infinite. 

It's apparent through the seasons and how we see our environments morph into different colours, textures and hear new sounds with the passing days, weeks and months. 

We are in a flux of time where nothing is stable and secure and we need to move with the eras.

So we attempt to. 

We change our lifestyle choices, we cut our hair, try new foods but truly non of this matters. The human race seems to have evolved so much over thousands of years including our intelligence levels constantly progressing and this seems like such a natural process. 

One foot will always have to step in front of the other to be able to move forward.

Our world seems to constantly be changing and with it the human race progresses. Take for instance our life goals. We initially want to be happy but with happiness comes greed and we strive for more than what's necessary. 

But why do we change? 

And also what does it mean if we do not want to change? Does this make us gluttonous aimless creatures? Or simply accepting of what we are? 

Confusion I believe is what comes from change and it is a peculiar feeling which leaves me feeling sick to the stomach. 

How do we truly know what is the correct path of change? How can we travel down a route when the light to guide us seems so dim? 

Truly all we need to do is to just stand still and think, but why does thinking lead to more change and more change lead to more work which could possibly end in destruction? 

Here are the girl confessions of a rambling mad woman. 

My always and forever.

Well grandad it's been four years now and I honestly can't tell you how much you're missed because it would be an incredible task to attempt.  

Every day I still think about you whether I vocalise it or not I truly do. 

You were a massive part of my life and for you to be taken away is completely and utterly disgusting and I don't understand it.

I understand that you were ill, but surely such a good man deserved so many more years! I know that we should be grateful for the time we had and I am. You taught me life skills, maths, how to be true to myself and always supported every thing that I did! 

You even introduced me to proper music which I honestly could never be more in your debt. You gave me a passion which has pushed me to believe in myself in every walk of life and it all originated from jazz and soul music. 

But I miss you. 

Your funny sayings, your laugh and the way you hated public displays of affection. 

Do you remember when we went to TJ Hughes and I wheeled you into almost everything and you ended up walking instead? 

Do you remember when you, Faye and me went to Boro for the day and we ordered a meal and waited two hours for yours to be cooked, when the waiter just forgot to add it to the bill? And I offered you some cold chips and you were fuming all day?

Eee we had so many funny times! 

Such simple times, which are still etched into my memory now. Which to many may just seem mediocre, but honesty spending time with my best friend was enough for me. 

The longer you're not here, the more I'm getting used to it and I hate it Gangag I really really do. 

I hate that I can't fully remember everything and I hate how time has this way of making you feel as if you're not here because you still are to me at least. I see you everywhere and in the smallest things. 

But most of all I'm perplexed by how cruel my memory is because I no longer hear your voice in my head. I just hear the impressions and your singing but as I get older the fainter it sounds..

And along with that its only really photos that help me remember the details in your face. Like how blue your eyes were! 

But I do remember your beard and how tough it was and how soft your head hair was and how hilarious you were and to be that's good enough. It'll have to be. 

All in all life's never as good compared to when you were here. And there's never a moment where I look back and feel regret because we did everything together. 

And although I miss you and wish you were here, at least you're not in pain, and I'll never forget you squeezing my hand. 

I love you so much and will never stop loving you, you old buggar. And I could never thankyou enough for everything you did for our family. 

Miss you G-Dog and I love you to the moon and back.