Content with being content

Well everyone it's a new year and definitely it seems like a new me as cliche as it sounds. It's a bizarre statement but it truly is..

I seem to have turned myself around, completely turned over a new leaf and I'm happy that I have! 

Life is not dramatic, it's not like a scene from a movie and that's ok isn't it?

I wake up every morning surrounded by my family who love me, friends just a click away and excitement for the possible future! 

To be content and excited by different things, that's how life's supposed be! 

it's just slowly passing by like watching a leaf fall from a tree in Autumn. Passive and beautifully calming. 

Since 2015 ended I wanted to be a better version of myself and although I do slip off the bandwagon (as most girls do) I truly believe that I'm a better me. 

I exercise a little bit, could do abit more but it happens, I eat healthily when it's available to me provided by carte de fam a lam and I've found a beautiful love with Nietzsche and his work, not so much the content but his presentation of arguments and Ahhhh I'll get into this another time! But it's amazing! And I'm happy! Also I really enjoy reading in general. There seems to never be a cuppa or a book long enough to warm the cockle of my heart, but that's life! Nothing lasts forever, but it can make life seem so much fuller! 

But towards the regards of love, there's no one who seems to give me a special sparkle or my heart skip a beat better than my family friends and my little pup! It's all I need! 

So there you go future me! I hope you look back and realise that this boring period, was one of the best! Because, well it just was! 

2015: The Main Emotion

2015 was a big year. A terrifying one full of heartbreak, failures and a loss of direction for me personally. It was a year where I truly lost, learned and loved in many different ways. And honestly I look at the year and regret many decisions I made...

It has truly been a journey which I have had to deal with. I've been through in all honesty a complete battle with myself, my purpose and what truly matters and I'm not entirely sure what the resolution is. I understand that I as a person have something in my life and have to do something but I'm not quite sure what that is.. Or what I truly do want.

I've battled with myself a long time and it is tiring.

But it has also a turning point. I grew a backbone, started to understand that to be me, I have to be true to myself not be a push over, because to be truly honest, I started to look in the mirror and not recognize myself. I saw fear, anger, gluttony and ugliness.

I do have that gnawing feeling of darkness which creeps up, but I generally reverse it and look for the alternative. So during the end of the year I started to understand pain and use it to inspire hope, use it to push myself that slight bit further and it helped.

Loneliness however is a constant feeling which I have accrued since returning home. People are not always there like they promise and although its lovely to be surrounded by family, its quite clear to see that you have very few people in life who bother once you're not within a 3 mile radius.

"But baby thats life" and maybe that is a lesson which I have learned. That people who truly care will bother.

So here's my confessions:
1. Social media gives a false impression of people who love and support you. Although you have many people as contacts, most of them just want to see what you are up to but not be involved.
2. So be true to who you are. Find happiness within the things which move you and educate you, despite of what ridicule you may recieve
3. Love the ones who persist with you even through your dark periods. As they are the ones who will still love you despite the possible pain you are feeling or have caused. 
4. Forgiveness takes time and space. Once people have understood both sides of a story they will come forward and be there.